11th of July, 2013.
He just sat there, staring into the distance.
There was a subtle calmness about the morning air, as if after a wild storm, the winds were settling down, tired and quiet. The roads looked back, as if making fun of him, going on till eternity, against his static and stagnant life. Even the clouds kept moving, and not wayward, but unidirectional, with some purpose underneath those shapes. Unlike his mind, the world wasn't blank, out of purpose, out of inspiration.
He stood up all of a sudden and moved towards the kitchen. He needed some tea. Trying to cut down on cigarettes, he needed something to drown his insides with. The house was quiet. Such an irony, he kept thinking. His mind was screaming inside- insanity, madness, thoughts, questions, desires, needs, hopes, plans, remorse, impatience, randomness -he took a long gasp of breath in, as if to direct the calmness around him, inside.
It didn't help.
Tea was ready. And he started recreating his reality in the head, comprehending the situations. If he wasn't home, he would've had to walk 3 miles to find a tea stall open at 5.30 am. Rs 7 for a cup of tea, and a classic milds for Rs 8, and then maybe another cup of tea, 'cause these jerks served tea in the tiniest cups ever produced by mankind,one body jerk and 3.5 Rs would spill all over one's shirt, and then maybe another milds. "Come on! One cig for two cups of tea, what am I, a baby?" He saved 30 bucks, right there! "What a fuckin' cheapskate I am,ha!" he chuckled, but he knew somewhere inside, he would've given his decision a second thought while spending that too.
These were hard times. Inside the head, and out there in the world. Inside he was confused, deluded, mentally surrounded by possibilities that were trapped somewhere between 'might' and 'would'. Outside, it was a confused world, always had been. Belief was no less than a war raging in the head against needs and options. It had been while since he had the luxury of a salary in his pocket. The new workplace wasn't exactly an established firm, but a molding model with immense potential. He had worked hard there, very hard, worked without sleep and at times without food, just to make it reach a place where he would be able to lavishly swim in bankrolls. But things had taken a few twists and turns on their way, and it with each passing day, the battle was turning into a mosh-pit of emotions, wavering between the patience to hold on and the urge to move on. Each passing day, was a test of patience.
He hadn't failed yet.
He just sat there, staring into the distance.
There was a subtle calmness about the morning air, as if after a wild storm, the winds were settling down, tired and quiet. The roads looked back, as if making fun of him, going on till eternity, against his static and stagnant life. Even the clouds kept moving, and not wayward, but unidirectional, with some purpose underneath those shapes. Unlike his mind, the world wasn't blank, out of purpose, out of inspiration.
He stood up all of a sudden and moved towards the kitchen. He needed some tea. Trying to cut down on cigarettes, he needed something to drown his insides with. The house was quiet. Such an irony, he kept thinking. His mind was screaming inside- insanity, madness, thoughts, questions, desires, needs, hopes, plans, remorse, impatience, randomness -he took a long gasp of breath in, as if to direct the calmness around him, inside.
It didn't help.
Tea was ready. And he started recreating his reality in the head, comprehending the situations. If he wasn't home, he would've had to walk 3 miles to find a tea stall open at 5.30 am. Rs 7 for a cup of tea, and a classic milds for Rs 8, and then maybe another cup of tea, 'cause these jerks served tea in the tiniest cups ever produced by mankind,one body jerk and 3.5 Rs would spill all over one's shirt, and then maybe another milds. "Come on! One cig for two cups of tea, what am I, a baby?" He saved 30 bucks, right there! "What a fuckin' cheapskate I am,ha!" he chuckled, but he knew somewhere inside, he would've given his decision a second thought while spending that too.
These were hard times. Inside the head, and out there in the world. Inside he was confused, deluded, mentally surrounded by possibilities that were trapped somewhere between 'might' and 'would'. Outside, it was a confused world, always had been. Belief was no less than a war raging in the head against needs and options. It had been while since he had the luxury of a salary in his pocket. The new workplace wasn't exactly an established firm, but a molding model with immense potential. He had worked hard there, very hard, worked without sleep and at times without food, just to make it reach a place where he would be able to lavishly swim in bankrolls. But things had taken a few twists and turns on their way, and it with each passing day, the battle was turning into a mosh-pit of emotions, wavering between the patience to hold on and the urge to move on. Each passing day, was a test of patience.
He hadn't failed yet.
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