before i fall asleep

sometimes during the night..
when my dreams elude me,and i find it hard to fall asleep..
 i lie awake looking at the dark ceiling..
my hands arched back under my head..
i try to look for something that made me what i am..
or what i want to be..
 i walk back the memory lanes..
 trying to justify my past to my present..
to give reasons that no one will ever ask for..
a disconnected association with all those people somehow..
 who once mattered..
 and i wonder how life transforms..
just like the seasons would..
 like the leaves would fall apart from the trees in autumn..
 no matter how close they were during spring..
perhaps the motivation to love comes from the loss of it..
perhaps the continuity might make love a saturated emotion..
like a circle of love..
 but then,does a particle on a circle know..
that its life revolves around someone it'll never meet..
and may be thats how life becomes..
like a circle..
revolving around a centre,of dreams,of perfection..
and never quite meeting it..
and lost in all these thoughts,just before i embrace sleep..
 i think of you.